20+ best husband wife jokes | jokeshots

From a busy daily life, we welcome you to a world of jokes and happiness. Here you will get some awsome husband wife jokes. These Best husband wife jokes will make you and your friends laugh, refresh your minds.

  1. Girlfriend’s house

After the divorce,

both husband and wife want to keep the son with them.

The judge said the son’s decision would be the final.

“I will stay at my girlfriend’s house,” said the boy.

Marriage husband wife jokes English

husband wife jokes
husband wife jokes


  1. Sitting behind you

Wife: What are you doing?

Husband: Very busy. I am working on a project. what are you doing

Wife: Just sitting on the table behind you, drinking coffee.

  1. finish the cooking first…

Wife: What do you want to eat at night? Chow Mein or fried rice?

Husband: First finish the cooking, then we will see what the dish is!


romantic husband wife jokes

  1. Remember the jewellery store?

The husband went to the market a long time ago, but he had not returned. So the wife called,

Wife: Where are you now?

Husband: Remember we went to a jewellery store last Christmas Eve?

Wife: Yes…

Husband: Do you remember you liked a necklace?

Wife: Yes, I remember this time.

Husband: But I didn’t have that much money then. So I could not give you that loss. Don’t you remember?

Wife: Why wouldn’t I? Of course, I remember.

Husband: You were very disappointed then, weren’t you?

Wife: a little bit!

Husband: promised you then that I will buy you that necklace one day.

Wife (being so happy): Yes, yes! I remember.

Husband: Do you recognize the shop?

Wife: of course. You continue…

Husband: I am now at the barber shop next to that jewellery store. I came here cut my hair, will be a little late.


husband wife jokes in english

  1. Phone doesn’t recognize me

Waking up in the morning husband was surprised! The wife was carefully applying her makeup.

Husband: Why are you doing makeup so early in the morning?

Wife: I can’t open my mobile.

Husband: what happened?

Wife: Last night, I locked it with face recognition. Now the phone is not opening.

Husband: Why?

Wife: it doesn’t recognize me. That time I was in makeup.


husband wife joke
husband wife joke

husband wife jokes dirty

  1. I saw you somewhere

For some time, the husband has been regretting his past actions. So he decided to tell his wife everything about his past. One day he called his wife and said-

Husband: I will not keep anything secret from you today.

Wife: That is great!

Husband: Is there anything you want to know about my past?

Wife: Well, did you have a relationship with any girl before we married?

Husband: No! But sometimes I used to go to the nightclub next to my office!

Wife: That’s why it felt like I saw you somewhere before.


husband wife jokes english

  1. Can’t spend money for a mistake.

Wife: Do you remember what today?

Husband: What today?

Wife: Today is our 10th wedding anniversary!

Husband: Oh!

Wife: How can you forget this day? Go and bring chickens, we will have a party today.

Husband: Sorry, I can’t spend so much money on the mistake I made 10 years ago.


  1. Why did I get married then?

A man had no intention of getting married in his life. His friend tried to convince him…

Friend: are you thinking of living your whole life alone? Just think, when you are on your deathbed, there will be no one beside you to give you a glass of water then.

The person could not make any argument. So he got married without showing any objection.


After many years,

Leading a long family life, the man in his old age was lying on his bed awaiting his death. His wife, son and daughter is beside him.

Lying down, then he thought-

‘I don’t feel any desire to drink water now! Why did I get married then?’


funny husband wife jokes

  1. Wife like you!

There was a huge quarrel between husband and wife. Both of them are talking loudly.

Wife: Why are you shouting at me?

Husband: Should I talk to a wife like you in a sweet tone instead of shouting!

Wife: Look around if you can find another woman like me!

Husband: Do you think I will look for a wife like you for the second time?


  1. Don’t make this type of mistake…!

The trial of the murder of a woman’s husband is going on in court. The judge asked the woman-

Judge: What were the last words your husband said on the night of the murder?

Wife: Where are my glasses, Sapna?

Judge: You killed your husband just to say this?

Wife: My name is Papia.

Judge: Oh!

funny best husband wife jokes
funny best husband wife jokes


  1. Here it starts!!

Returning home from the office,

the husband said, “Before starting, give me the food, let me finish eating.” The wife served the dinner.

After having dinner, the husband sat on the sofa in the drawing room and said, ‘Give me a glass of water before starting… I am feeling very thirsty.’ The wife gave the water to him.

While drinking water, the husband went to bed. Then he said, ‘ Please give me a cup of tea before starting.’ This time the wife said, ‘Hey, what do you think I am? do I look like a servant to you? after returning home you are giving orders one after another… Shameless, rude, selfish…’

Husband mumbled with cotton in his ears and said, ‘Here it starts.’


husband wife jokes in english
  1. Sorry, wrong number!

The husband called his wife at home from his office. The servant picked up the phone.

Servant: Hello.

Husband: Give the phone to your ma’am.

Servant: But sir, ma’am is sleeping in the bedroom with her husband.

Husband: what do you mean?? I am

her husband. And I am here at my office now!

Servant: What should I do now sir??

Husband: Shoot both of them and I will give you whatever you want.

After shooting the housewife and the person, the servant called him,

Servant: Sir, I have done as you said. What should I do with the bodies now??

Husband: Throw the body into the river behind the house.

Servant: But there is no swimming pool behind the house sir.

Baltu: What??? Oh sorry, wrong number!!!


  1. Give him one more chance!

Husband: I will send off this driver today. He drives recklessly. He almost killed me today. This is the sixth time we escaped certain death on the road for him.

Wife: No, no, Darling. Don’t send him off. At least give him one more chance.


naughty husband wife jokes

funny best husband wife jokes
funny best husband wife jokes
  1. Let me check…!

At the party,

A beautiful young woman got everyone’s attention. all the men surrounded her and were trying to talk to her. A married woman also came with her husband to the party dressed very well. She was burning with jealousy at that young lady.

She said to her husband, “Well, what did everyone get on that young lady? She is just looking like a stupid stick.

The husband said, “I think so. You sit down here. Let me go and check what’s everyone getting there with the stick!”


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  1. I was inside!

Hearing the sound of something falling on the ground Mike’s wife came running there soon.

Wife: What happened? What was the sound about?

Mike said, “My clothes just fell down.”

Wife: But it is not supposed to be so loud if only your clothes were there!

Mike: I was inside the clothes.


  1. Our shaving razor!

The husband and wife had a huge quarrel.

At that moment, the wife, being very angry tells her husband,

“Why do you only say, ‘My house, my TV, my fridge, my child???’ Cannot you say, ‘Our house, our TV, our fridge, our children’??”

At that time, the husband was looking for something. So the wife asked – what are you looking for?

The husband said with a sigh, “Aah…! Have you seen our shaving razor…?”


  1. She loves him!!

There is a huge quarrel between husband and wife. Being so much angry the husband slaps his wife on the cheek.

Wife: What! Did you slap me?

The husband hit her in anger. But later realized that he made a big mistake. So in a very soft tone, he said, no, it was a sign of how much I love you.

Suddenly, the wife slapped her husband twice.

Husband: You also hit me…

Wife: What makes you think I love you less?


funniest husband wife jokes

best husband wife jokes
best husband wife jokes


  1. Good news!!

The husband and wife had a huge quarrel between them.

Wife: I don’t want to be with you one moment anymore. I am leaving soon.

Husband: Don’t try to give good news during a fight!


  1. Do not keep looking at your mobile!…

Husband: How many times do I have to tell you that, do not keep looking at your mobile while cooking? What have you prepared this? No salt, no spices!

Wife: How many times do I have to tell you not to eat while watching Mobile? You did not take the curry to the rice, you poured water!

dirty husband wife jokes

  1. Which part you want to press…?

Wife: Well, which part of my body do you always want to press but can’t?

Husband: I won’t tell you. You will get angry then.

Wife: (Laughing) No, you can say. I will not be angry…

Husband: Your throat.

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